Getting attention from two different guys can feel really empowering. You might love the attention that they offer, but you know it can’t go on like this forever. Let’s face it, you may just be having some fun right now, but things will get serious in the future and you need to make a decision sooner or later. You can’t marry them both, live with them both, and have kids with them both – or at least not normally!
So, it’s make-your-mind-up time (and that’s why you’re here isn’t it?). But how do you choose which one is right for you?
It’s not always easy to decide, as both guys probably have good qualities about them – perhaps one is great company but the other looks like Channing Tatum?
However, you can’t keep them both – that is a recipe for disaster – and you could end up losing both of them. Besides, it’s not fair on them, either. But don’t worry, help is at hand with these tips on how to make the right choice when torn between two men… (and for that matter, two women!).
- Make A List!
Making lists may not seem like the most romantic thing, but it is a good way to straighten things out in your head. Think of the qualities of each guy and write them down. Perhaps one makes you laugh, while the other makes you feel protected. The more you think, the more qualities will spring to mind – don’t forget things like compassion and respect as well as their real-life skills (car mechanic?) and ambitions.
However, it is not just about the good things. You may have a few things that you simply couldn’t cope with long-term. Does the guy always put his friends first? Is he a smoker? Think about the negative points that could potentially blow the relationship out of the water. You may have seen hints, too. For example, does one of them have a fiery temper that could cause problems later? Write down the unattractive qualities for each guy, so you can compare them as much as the good points.
2. Check Your Compatibility
While skills and qualities are one thing, you also need to be compatible with the man you are going to choose. It doesn’t matter if your guy can fix your car if you find it hard to actually get along with him. How similar are your personalities and lifestyles (be truthful), and what about your hopes and dreams? Are they aligned? If you want to settle down and your guy doesn’t, you may have to think again.
Think about where you want to be in five years’ time – mortgage? Kids? Career? Home? Does one of the guys fit into the picture better than the other one? Perhaps one of the guys will end up causing problems with over-spending? Or maybe you just can’t see one of them fitting in as a long-term partner.
3. Which One Really Has Your Back?
It’s easy to enjoy a relationship when the toughest decisions you have to make are where you are going for dinner, but a longer-term relationship means real life. Which of the guys will be there for you when things are not going well? Has one of them shown that he will only show up when it suits him? Has one of them shown that he will genuinely be there for you when times are tough – which means emotionally as well as practically? While a guy who can throw money at a problem may be great, this may not mean that they really have your back when times are tough.
4. Which Guy Gives You Butterflies?
So far, we have concentrated on practical things like skills and compatibility, but we all know love isn’t practical. Does one of the guys make your heart do flips when you get a text from them? Maybe your phone beeps and you feel a bit disappointed when you find the message is from the other guy. If so, that is a certain sign that you have a favorite.
While there may be times when you feel closer to one guy than the other, if you constantly find that you are thinking about one of them, you may want to go with your gut reaction.
5. Do You Feel Unfaithful?
Chances are your two guys don’t know about each other, but if you feel bad for seeing one or the other then it might be your subconscious telling you that you have stronger feelings for one of them. If you feel like you are being unfaithful to one, but not to the other, then your heart may be trying to tell you which one you care for more.
6. Let Your Heart Decide
Does one of the men make your heart beat faster? Perhaps one of them just feels right in your life? Who makes you feel better when you are together? Think about how you would feel if you never saw each of the guys again – is there one that you simply feel you need in your life? If so, he’s the one!
Stability is one thing, but you should also look for that spark that makes you feel special. Without that, there won’t be any real love and romance – don’t confuse some fun with real love. Basically, trust your instincts, if it feels right, it probably is!